


The Twelve Years of Christmas

by bigboobedcanuck



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Christmas, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rimming, Schmoop, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-29
Updated: 2005-01-03
Packaged: 2017-12-25 11:43:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigboobedcanuck/pseuds/bigboobedcanuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twelve holiday ficlets that follow the next twelve years of Brian and Justin's life together post-S4 and post-Hollywood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting my old fic from LJ. Takes place post-S4 and post-Hollywood.

"Hey, they put up the Christmas tree lot."

Brian glanced out the window as they drove by. "Very observant."

"We should go on the weekend," Justin said.

Brian groaned inwardly. "Why on earth would we do that?"

"Duh, to get a tree. We could decorate the loft. It'll be fun."

"No, it won't," Brian said as he pulled to a stop at a light.

"Come on. I've never had my own tree. You know, as an adult."

"And when did you become an adult?"

Justin laughed and smacked him on the arm. "Well, I'm living with you, aren't I?"

"Yes, I guess you're a big boy now."

"So come on, let's do it. It'll be cool. You know, to have our own tree."

"Yeah, so it can drop needles all over the fucking floor and get sap on my Italian furniture."

"Brian, I doubt the Christmas tree will be humping the furniture."

"Look, there's no way I'm decking the halls." Brian decided to try a new approach. "Christmas is just a big commercial holiday anyway, it's all about materialism now," he said, disdainfully.

"Exactly. This holiday was made for you."

Brian shot Justin another glare as he shifted back into gear. "Yeah, well, we're not getting a fucking tree."

****

Brian cursed as he got stabbed with yet another pine needle. Maneuvering the stupid thing into its stand was harder than he thought it would be, especially alone. He finally got the trunk into the base and tightened the screws. Taking a step back, he cursed again at the decidedly slanted tree.

He went to the fridge and popped the cap off a beer, taking a deep gulp. Justin had been so mopey every time he saw anything holiday-related (which was all the damn time) that Brian finally decided to put them both out of their misery. Now he was seriously questioning that decision and contemplated throwing the tree down the stairs and dragging it out to the curb.

The loft door slid open and that option was pretty much null and void.

"Brian? What....what's this?" Justin stared at it with awe.

"Do I actually have to answer that?"

"I can't believe you did this for me." He grinned as he dropped his book bag at his feet.

Brian shrugged and rolled his eyes, and Justin kissed him and hugged him tightly before turning back to look at the tree. "It's so big! And green! And...um, it's a little crooked."

Brian glared at him and slammed his beer down on the counter. "Well come over and hold it up straight while I fix it."

Justin reached through the branches and grasped the trunk, pulling the tree upright. "So, did you get decorations, too?"

"No, I thought we'd just string together some cranberries and popcorn," Brian said as he fiddled with the tree stand.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Brian stood up and they both took a step back to admire the straightened tree. Justin looked around and spied the boxes of ornaments piled up by the couch. He picked them up carefully.

"Jesus, Brian, these are beautiful. They must have cost a fortune."

"What, did you expect me to go shopping at the Big Q?" Brian asked, shuddering.

"No, of course not. You're way too much of a label queen for that."

"Damn right."

"What kind of lights did you get?"

Brian smirked to himself. "The multicoloured ones." He knew that Justin liked them because he'd only mentioned it about five billion times.

Justin smiled. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Now come on, let's decorate this fucking thing already."

"Okay. Oh, wait." Justin practically skipped over to the stereo and searched through some CDs. Soon, "Joy to the World" was playing.

Brian winced. "Since when do I have Christmas carols?"

"Since I moved in," Justin said. He wrapped his arms around Brian's waist and slid his tongue into his mouth as he pulled him close.

By the time the CD ended, they were shrugging their clothes back on. Justin returned to the stereo and Brian started stringing the lights. As music filled the loft once more, he groaned and realized that Justin actually owned more than one holiday album.

****

Brian tossed his jacket and briefcase on the counter and slid the door shut behind him. The loft was silent and dark, and he wondered where Justin had gone after class as he headed over to the tree and plugged it in. He'd never admit it, but he kind of liked it. As the soft, colourful light filled the living room, he turned and his heart skipped a beat.

"Jesus, Justin. What are you doing in the dark?"

Justin lay on the couch. "I guess I fell asleep."

Brian walked over and peered at him intently. "You weren't asleep. What's wrong?" He ran his fingers lightly through Justin's hair.

Justin sat up and made room for Brian on the couch. "You're going to laugh, it's so stupid."

"What is?"

"I went to my mom's to get the car, you know, because she said I could use it while she's away at that conference." Brian nodded and Justin continued, "So Molly needed a ride to my dad's, and I took her."

Brian tensed and his hand moved to massage the back of Justin's neck. "And?"

"He was out there on the lawn, tossing a football around with his girlfriend's little kid. It's like, the most stereotypical father/son activity ever, and my dad was smiling this huge smile. He looked so...happy. I remember when he used to look at me like that." He shook his head and wiped his eyes. "Fuck, I'm such a pussy. See, I told you it was stupid. I mean, why the fuck do I care?"

"Because he's your father. It's not stupid."

Justin blinked a couple of times and leaned into Brian's arms. "As I was watching, I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I thought about him. And I remembered telling you that I couldn't imagine not seeing him, because he's _my dad_." He sighed. "It's kind of amazing how you can see someone every day for years, and they're such a big part of your life, and then…they disappear. And after a while, you hardly notice."

"I know," Brian said, holding him close.

Justin sniffed and mumbled, "I bet you never cried over your dad." He sat up and wiped his cheeks. His face was bathed in red and green and yellow and pink and blue light, and his eyes shone. Sometimes, Brian forgot how beautiful he was.

He pressed their lips together softly and wrapped his arms around Justin again. After a few minutes, he whispered, "You'd be wrong."

 


	2. Chapter 2

“No.”

“But Brian, Carl’s sick,” said Debbie.

“No.” Brian didn’t even look up from his club sandwich.

“But Michael is at that comic convention in Dayton until tomorrow, and Ben is too…tan.”

“No.” He took a bite of his sandwich and sprinkled salt on his fries.

“And Emmett is too…well. He’s too thin.” 

Brian swallowed and took a swig of coffee. “No.”

“Ted is too short, and Hunter and Justin are too young. Brian, you’re our only hope!”

“Well that’s a pretty sad state of affairs for you, then isn’t it?” He took another bite of his sandwich and pulled out a newspaper. The diner door opened and Lindsay and Gus swept in, a gust of cold air behind them. 

“Daddy!” Gus ran to Brian and tried to jump up onto his lap. 

“Hey, Sonny Boy,” Brian said, as he slid over on the seat and pulled up Gus beside him. 

Lindsay kissed Brian lightly and sat on the other side of the booth. She gave Debbie their order and Debbie glared at Brian before shuffling off.

“Daddy, can we go play in the park?”

“No, I have to go back to work, Gus. Besides, it’s a little cold, isn’t it?”

“Nope, it’s never too cold for the park,” Gus said, shaking his head.

Lindsay smiled. “You realize he gets that stubborn streak from you, don’t you?”

“Right, you and Mel haven’t influenced him in that way at _all_.”

“Us, stubborn? Never.” She grinned and then sighed happily to herself as Brian rolled his eyes. 

It had taken too fucking long, in Brian’s opinion, but she and Mel had finally gotten back together. At first, he had been all for their separation, but after Gus had sobbed one night about missing Mel and not being able to spend very much time with Jenny, Brian had changed his mind and set about getting them back together. Besides, it had been clear to everyone with two brain cells to rub together that Lindsay and Melanie missed each other like crazy and were miserable alone.

The diner door opened again and Justin hurried in. “Sorry I’m late, my students had a million and one questions before going on vacation. I’m just the TA, I wish they’d bother the professor once in a while.” He kissed Brian and then Lindsay.

“Justin!” Gus bounced excitedly. 

“Hey little man,” Justin said, kissing Gus on the forehead and giving him a quick hug before sitting next to Lindsay.

“Hi Sunshine,” Debbie said, as she dropped off Lindsay and Gus’ drinks. She opened her mouth to say something else and then turned to look at Gus suddenly. “So, Gus, are you looking forward to tonight?”

Gus’ eyes lit up and he nodded fervently. “I can’t wait!”

“What’s tonight?” Justin asked him.

“I’m meeting Santa Claus!”

“That’s right, he’s visiting the Centre tonight,” said Lindsay.

Debbie ruffled Gus’ hair. “And I bet he can’t wait to meet you!” Then she smiled facetiously at Brian. He sneered in return and looked down at Gus, who was clapping his hands in excitement. 

“Okay, sweetie, let’s get washed up before lunch,” Lindsay said, ushering Gus into the back.

“Brian—”

“Debbie, the answer is still no.”

“What’s the question?” Justin looked back and forth between them.

“The question is whether your asshole significant other is going to disappoint all those kids at the Centre tonight, including his very own son.”

“I’m not dressing up as fucking Santa Claus. Besides, Gus’ll recognize me anyway.”

Justin took a handful of Brian’s fries and said, “You’re already his hero, and he’ll think you really _are_ Santa Claus for a little while. Come on, Brian, you totally have to do it!” 

Brian shot Justin what he liked to think of as the Death Stare. “No, I totally do not.”

“And disappoint Gus like that?” Justin looked at him with faux seriousness and shook his head sadly. “Think of the children, Brian.”

“Oh shut the fuck up.”

Gus and Lindsay returned and Justin was barely able to keep a straight face as he asked Gus again about meeting Santa. Gus squealed with joy and predicted it would be the greatest night of his life. Brian sighed heavily, and Debbie and Justin smirked at each other.

“Fine,” Brian said. “On one condition.” 

****

 

Justin shifted uncomfortably and said through gritted teeth, “These tights are riding up like you wouldn’t believe.”

Brian’s shit-eating grin was mostly covered by the fake beard pasted on his face. He looked up at Justin from his plush velvet chair and said, “But surely Santa’s elf cares not about discomfort when he’s bringing joy to so many young children.”

“I hate you.”

“I hate you, too.”

The next kid came up and plopped onto Brian’s lap. Brian put on his newly created fake Santa voice and went through the routine of asking the brat what he wanted for Christmas, etc., etc. 

Finally, it was Gus’ turn, and from his place at the front of the line he pointed at Justin and tugged on Lindsay’s sleeve urgently. Mel stood off to the side with Debbie, both of them unable to stifle their giggles. 

Gus walked up on the platform and stared at Justin. He loudly whispered, “Justin, is that you?” 

Justin put his finger to his lips and winked. Gus tried to wink back, and blinked vigorously with both eyes. He clambered up onto Brian’s lap and started to tell him his wish list. Suddenly he stopped and leaned forward, his eyes wide as he looked at Brian closely.

Brian winked, and Gus looked between him and Justin. His mouth agape, he finally whispered, “Daddy, are you Santa?”

“It’ll just be our little secret, right Sonny Boy?”

Gus nodded. “Cross my heart!” 

Brian started the routine. “So, what do you want for Christmas?”

Gus’ face crinkled in confusion. “You already know,” he said impatiently. Justin tried hard not to laugh too loudly.

“Well, just make sure you’re a good boy from now until Christmas, or you’ll have coal in your stocking.” Brian said.

“I promise.” 

“Okay, time’s up, Sonny Boy.” 

“Okay. See you later, Daddy. I mean, Santa.” Gus stopped to give Justin a quick kiss and then bounded off back to his mommies. 

An hour later, Brian and Justin dragged themselves into Tanis’ small office to change out of their costumes. As Brian flopped down on her chair, he carefully peeled the beard from his face. Justin bent over to take off his satin elf shoes (complete with bells) and after a split second of contemplation, Brian pulled him onto his lap as he kicked the office door shut.

“So,” he whispered into Justin’s ear, “Have you been naughty or nice?”


	3. Chapter 3

The night was brisk and Justin shivered as he hurried down the street to Debbie’s house. The bags of presents he carried strained his arms, and he once again regretted turning down Brian’s offer of a new car. Sometimes convenience should really win out over pride.

Hunter stood on the front porch, a cigarette dangling from his fingers.

Justin smiled. “Hey.”

“Hey. Merry Christmas.”

“You, too,” Justin said as he put his presents down with a thud. “Got another one of those?”

“Sure.” Hunter pulled a pack from his pocket and offered it to Justin with a lighter. “Just hope that you’ll be spared the lecture on how your poor pink lungs are blackening as we speak.”

Justin laughed. “Debbie was never one for subtlety. Although, it’s true, you know. I don’t smoke very much, but I really should quit.”

“Well, between her and Ben, I’m about ready to quit just to shut them up.”

Justin laughed. “I can only imagine. So, how’s U of P?”

“Fucking awesome,” Hunter said, grinning. “The chicks are hot and the parties are cool. And the classes actually aren’t bad.”

“Glad to hear it. You know, I didn’t go to too many parties at school.”

“Why would you when you’ve got Brian at home?”

“Exactly. Besides, the parties I went to were unbearably pretentious.”

“All those berets and people dressed in black in one place.”

“You got it. Hey, what’s your major going to be?”

“Fucked if I know. I guess I like history and English so far the best. And sociology’s pretty cool. How’s grad school? You’ll be done in the spring, right?”

Justin took a drag. “Yep, I’ll officially be joining the ranks of over-educated artists who can’t get a job.”

“You and Michael do pretty fucking well with _Rage_.” Hunter butted his cigarette out.

“I know, I shouldn’t complain. So, is everyone inside?”

Hunter nodded. “The gang’s all here.”

“I can’t believe it’s Christmas Eve already. I barely got my shopping done.”

Hunter was quiet for a moment and then said, “It’s weird.”

“What, Christmas?”

“No. Well, yeah. It’s just…when I met Ben and Michael that night, I never would have thought in a million years I’d end up here. Once in a while it just hits me, I guess.”

Justin thought of streetlights bright in the night and the arch of Brian’s eyebrow. The cool glass of the shower beneath his cheek; ghostly blue light reflecting on skin. He smiled softly. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

Hunter looked through the window and Justin could see everyone gathered together in the living room, the low murmur of their laughter wafting out. Gus and Brian sat on the carpet and played with some _Superman_ action figures. Justin smiled. He knew Brian wouldn’t be able to resist giving Gus one present tonight.

He put his cigarette out and picked up his load of parcels. “Come on, let’s eat, drink and be merry.”

Inside, Debbie squeezed him so tight that he thought there might be internal damage, and then his mother followed suit. Brian smirked until Justin told Debbie that Brian looked like he needed another hug.

 

****

“I can’t believe Babylon is open on Christmas Day!” Justin shouted to Brian as they moved through the writhing crowd.

Brian glanced at his watch. “Actually, it’s past midnight, so it’s the 26th.”

“Oh, whatever. You know what I mean.”

They reached the bar and placed their order, and Justin looked around at the crowd. Except for the decorations, it was pretty much the same old, same old. He’d have been happy to just go home and collapse into bed after all the food they’d eaten, but Brian had talked him into coming out.

They sipped their Chivas and watched the crowd for a while. Then Brian grabbed Justin’s hand and said, “Come on, let’s burn off some of that turkey.”

Justin shook his head. “No way, I’m too tired. I'm not up for dancing. Can't we go soon?”

“Well, if you didn’t want to come, why are you here?”

“Because _you_ wanted to come. Sometimes in a relationship, we do things for the other person that we wouldn’t normally do.” Justin was speaking like he would to a five-year-old, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

Brian’s jaw clenched and he dropped Justin’s hand. “After almost 36 straight hours of being with everyone and stuffing our faces, I just wanted to come out and dance for a fucking hour.”

Justin sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.” He rubbed his face. “I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, well, if you want to leave, you know where the door is.” Brian gulped back the rest of his drink and slammed the glass on the bar. “And there’s no lock on it.”

Justin’s eyes narrowed. “Fuck you, Brian.” He turned on his heel and stalked away, promptly bumping into a tweaked-out twinkie with big pupils and a nervous smile.

“Hey, you wanna dance?” the kid asked.

Justin was about to brush him off, but with a glance over his shoulder at Brian, he said, “Sure, why not?” They danced for a few songs, Justin batting the twink’s hands away every so often. He quickly lost sight of Brian in the crowd.

Fucking Brian.

He’d been secure in their relationship for a long time, but it was amazing how a few little words he hadn't heard in forever could still make Justin feel like shit. To top it off, he had to admit that dancing felt pretty good after being cooped up inside all day, and guilt and anger burned uncomfortably in his gut.

Finally, he couldn’t take it and went looking for him, leaving the disappointed twink with a quick wave. He took a quick look around the dance floor, then headed into the backroom. Brian didn’t go there very much anymore, and truth be told, Brian didn’t even come to Babylon very often. But all bets were probably off now.

To Justin’s surprise, he was nowhere to be found. He scanned the sweaty bodies and hidden faces and turned to go. He squeaked in surprise when he walked right into Brian coming in.

“Hey,” Justin said.

“Hey.” They stared at each other for a few moments.

“So, you wanna dance?” Justin asked, a rueful smile playing at his lips.

“Yeah.” Brian pulled Justin tight against him and forced Justin’s mouth open with his tongue. Their arms moved around each other and Justin relaxed against Brian, savouring his familiar taste, his scent, the feel of his muscles pressed close.

Brian didn’t stop kissing him as he shoved Justin against the nearest wall. He ground his hips down and Justin moaned, his hands moving down to grab Brian’s ass, pulling him even closer.

Brian’s hands roamed under Justin’s shirt, his fingers pinching his nipples roughly. They both panted and after a few minutes, Justin pushed Brian away so he could turn around and face the wall. But Brian grabbed his shoulder and turned him back, his tongue diving into Justin’s mouth once more.

Justin finally broke away to gulp in some air and he bit at Brian’s neck. “Come on, fuck me.” He tried to turn around again, but Brian’s leg between his kept him pinned to the wall.

Brian kissed him, then trailed his tongue down Justin’s neck as he sank to his knees. Justin looked down at him breathlessly, his brow furrowed. He couldn’t really be…could he?

As Brian undid the buckle on Justin’s belt, the molecules of air in the room shifted, and Justin could feel all eyes on them, could hear the whispers that ricocheted off the dark walls. Then Brian’s mouth was on his cock, and Justin didn’t think about anything else.

He gasped as Brian ran his tongue up the underside of his shaft, and his fingers slid on the wall behind him. Brian swallowed him into his mouth and as he sucked, Justin looked down and watched his head moving up and down on his cock. Brian looked up at him and licked across the leaking tip of Justin’s cock as he rolled Justin’s balls between his fingers.

Justin took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. He was going to come far too soon if he kept on watching Brian’s pink tongue darting out between his lips. If he kept on watching Brian on his knees.

Brian.

On his knees.

At Babylon.

He swallowed Justin whole again, and Justin arched his hips up, his fingers tangling in Brian’s hair. He muttered Brian’s name over and over again and couldn’t resist looking down again. Brian sucked and licked and grasped Justin’s hips to get better leverage. Justin thrust deep into his throat and soon he was coming hard, hard, hard. Brian swallowed it all and milked him until Justin thought his legs were going to collapse out from under him.

Brian stood up and kissed him deeply as he pulled up Justin’s pants. When he pulled away, they looked at each other for a long moment. Justin practically purred and said, “Fuck me.” They kissed again, tongues stroking and probing.

“You bet your tight little ass I’m going to fuck you.” Brian slid his finger into Justin’s mouth, and he sucked it eagerly. Brian kissed him again and his hand slid down the back of Justin's pants, his finger slipping into his hole.

“Do it,” Justin panted. He thought about the fact that Brian had just sucked him off in the backroom of Babylon and he started getting hard again.

“Not here.” Brian took a step back and pulled Justin with him.

Justin grinned and as they left, he could feel the stares following them out. When they got to the car, Justin stopped and kissed Brian softly. “I love you.”

Brian smiled. “You say that to all the boys who give you killer blowjobs.”

Justin shook his head. “Just you.” He kissed him again and his fingers grazed Brian's cheek. “Just you.”

As snow started floating down, Brian pulled him close and said, “Yeah.”

“Now get me home and fuck me senseless.”

When they stumbled into the loft, they were flushed and laughing. Justin kicked his shoes off and started to drag Brian towards the bedroom, but Brian stopped suddenly. “What?” Justin asked. Brian brushed their lips together and pulled away gently. He kept Justin’s gaze as he moved backwards.

With a flick of his wrist, he locked the door.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Brian woke slowly, the sound of the shower humming softly in the bathroom. He stretched his legs and yawned widely.

Saturday.

By far, the best day of the week. Even though he had work to do on the weekend, it was still nice not to have to go into the office. He’d made it a hard and fast rule to only go into the agency on weekends in a dire emergency. Luckily, he could usually make Ted or Cynthia handle anything that really needed looking after. He certainly paid them enough.

The water stopped, and a minute later Justin emerged, toweling his hair off. “Morning,” he said.

“Hey. You’re up awfully early, aren’t you?” Now that Justin was writing and drawing _Rage_ full time for Marvel Comics, he often stayed up late working on layouts. He said he was more inspired after the sun went down, and Brian only complained when Justin was too busy drawing to have sex before bed. Michael still consulted on storylines, but it was very much Justin’s baby, and he worked hard on it.

“Brian, it’s eleven. Not exactly the crack of dawn.”

“Did you know that you sound like your mother when you say things like that?”

“Ohhh, is that the way you want it today?” Justin laughed and whipped the towel out, hitting Brian’s ass with a loud snap.

Brian grabbed him and pulled him down on the bed, quickly rolling on top. “You know how I want it.” He leaned down and licked across Justin’s collarbone and up his neck.

Justin groaned. “Brian, we’ve got stuff to do today.”

“Like what?” Brian sucked one of Justin’s nipples into his mouth, his tongue swirling expertly.

“Just…stuff. Oh, god…”

He stroked Justin’s cock and kissed him thoroughly. Their tongues wound together and Brian ran his fingers through Justin’s wet hair as he ground his hips down. After a few minutes he reached blindly for the condom and lube on the nightstand.

It occurred to him, not for the first time, that they didn’t really need the condom. But he put it on quickly out of habit and maybe fear, and squeezed the lube onto his fingers. As he worked Justin’s ass open, Justin arched up and lifted his legs onto Brian’s shoulders. Brian pushed inside him, and they both moaned quietly as he began moving with long, slow strokes.

The last trick had been a threesome with Justin months ago, and Brian could barely remember it. For a while, he tried very hard to recall the details, but had come up blank. It had been Justin’s idea, but Brian knew he was only doing it to make him happy.

He wasn’t sure when, but somewhere along the way fucking other men had become boredom in disguise, and happiness something altogether different.

He pushed Justin’s knees to his chest and moved deeper. Justin cried out, gasping, and they kissed again, lips and teeth and tongues colliding. He reached for Justin's hand as they rocked together with timing that had been perfected long ago.

When Justin came, he clutched Brian’s hand even tighter and closed his eyes as he let go. The muscles in Brian’s arms shook under the weight of Justin’s legs, and with one more moan he came and collapsed on top of him. Brian kissed his cheek with wet lips.

After a few minutes, Justin murmured, “I’m going to have to take another shower.”

“Good thing it’s Saturday.”

 

****

“Justin, where are we going?” Brian looked up from the paper he was perusing in the passenger seat of his new Mercedes SUV. They were heading out into the burbs from the looks of it. The sun reflected brightly off the fresh snow and he reached for his sunglasses.

“I told you, I’ve just got a couple of errands. Don’t worry about it. Sit back and enjoy your coffee.”

Brian eyed him suspiciously. “Where are we going?”

“To get a Christmas tree. Remember, it’s the most wonderful time of the year again.”

“Bah humbug. Why are we going to no man’s land to get a Christmas tree? There must be about two dozen lots downtown.”

Justin shrugged and Brian could tell he was hiding something. “I want to get something special.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Charlie Brown.” He looked back down at the paper. When he glanced up again a while later, they were heading onto a country road. “Jesus, where the hell are we?”

“We’re, like, a block outside the city.”

“And this is where you had to come for a Christmas tree.”

“Yep.”

Suddenly Brian saw a sign ahead: _Cut Your Own Xmas Tree at Holiday Harry’s Fun Farm!_ “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“What? It’ll be fun, Scrooge McDuck. Maybe your heart will grow three sizes too big.”

Brian sneered, “That was the Grinch.”

“I know, but you get the point.” He smiled. “It’s Christmas, don’t you want the full experience?”

Brian let his expression answer for him.

 

****

Snow crunched under Brian’s entirely inappropriate shoes and he sighed loudly. They’d been tramping around the woods for God knows how long, and Justin was apparently getting off on role-playing Goldilocks. This tree’s too big, this one’s too small, too fat, too thin, too whatever.

Suddenly Justin stopped. “I think this one’s just right.”

“Well, hallelujah. Get out the axe and let’s go.”

“Hold on, what do you think? Do you like it? It’s your tree, too, Brian.”

Brian looked it up and down. It appeared quite green and tree-like. “Perfect. Can’t imagine ever finding a better one.”

Justin smacked Brian’s arm and picked up the axe. He swung it awkwardly through the air to test it out, and Brian took a few steps back. “Maybe we should get a professional out here.”

“Brian, the whole point is doing it yourself.”

“Have you ever chopped anything before?”

“No, but how hard can it be?”

“Christ, don’t say things like that with a deadly weapon in your hand. I’d like to avoid visiting the ER today if possible.”

Justin shot him a look and took a whack at the base of the tree. The blade penetrated about an inch of the trunk. “Huh. This may be harder than I thought.”

Brian rolled his tongue into his cheek, but refrained from commenting. Justin tried again, and got the hang of it before long. He delightedly yelled, “Timber!” as the tree came down.

Brian smiled despite himself, and a thought occurred. As Justin was admiring his felled tree, Brian bent over and packed some snow beneath his gloved hands. He quickly deposited it down the back of Justin’s shirt, burrowing in under his coat and scarf.

Justin gasped and screamed and tackled Brian into the snow. “Son of a bitch, that’s freezing!” They wrestled and laughed as Justin crammed snow down Brian’s shirt in return, and by the time a truce was called, they were a tangle of wet limbs.

Later, as they kissed languidly in the steam of a hot shower, Brian decided that playing lumberjacks wasn’t a bad holiday tradition to start after all.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Justin stirred the eggnog and frowned slightly. “Gus, can you get me the nutmeg? I think we need a bit more.”

Gus nodded and looked through the spice rack. Mel and Lindsay’s living room was quickly filling up with people, and Justin had offered to help out in the kitchen – Gus quickly volunteering to be his assistant.

“Do we need cinnamon?” Gus asked.

“Sure, a sprinkle of cinnamon never goes astray.”

Gus brought the spices over and watched Justin work. “Can I be the taste tester?”

“Of course. Before I put the rum in, though.” Gus made a face at the mention of rum and Justin smiled. “So, you looking forward to seeing what Santa brings you tonight?”

“I guess.”

Gus sounded a bit pensive, and Justin put down the recipe book. “What’s wrong? You’re not excited about Christmas? Did you already get your fill of Hanukkah presents?” He nudged him playfully.

“No, I still want more presents!”

“So what’s got you looking so sad?”

Gus bit his lip. “Well...it’s just, we don’t have a fireplace.”

“Okaaay. And....”

“And if we don’t have a fireplace, we don’t have a chimney.”

“Right.” Shit. Justin could see where this was going. Gus was eight years old now, so it wasn’t exactly a surprise that he’d begin to question things.

“So how does Santa get in?” Gus looked up at him suspiciously.

“Well…you do have a little chimney on the roof. You know, for the furnace.”

“But Santa’s too fat to fit into that.”

Crap. “Uh, Santa shrinks himself to fit into whatever kind of chimney you have.” Justin was grasping at straws. Badly.

“And the presents shrink, too?” Gus’ suspicions seemed to be growing.

“Yeah. So, anyway, let’s get back to the eggnog—”

“But won’t he burn up in the furnace?”

“No, he’s magical, remember?”

Sudden laughter from the doorway made them both turn. Brian tried in vain to hide his grin and said, “Sorry, you were saying? About magic, non-flammable, incredibly shrinking Santa?”

Justin gave Brian a withering stare. “Gus, why don’t you ask your dad about Santa?”

Gus looked between them and sighed. “He’s not real, is he, Dad?”

Brian’s expression softened and he squatted down to Gus’ level. “No, he’s not real. But that doesn’t mean Christmas is any less fun. We’re still doing the same things we always have. And you’re still getting entirely far too many toys.”

“I am?”

“Yes, you are. But don’t tell your mommies I told you.”

“I won’t, I promise.” Gus crossed his heart with his finger. “You know, I used to think you were Santa.”

“Well, I am.”

Gus’ face creased in confusion, and Justin smiled to himself. “Dad, you just said there is no Santa.”

“Not technically, but who do you think is buying you all those presents?”

Gus grinned. “Thanks, Dad.” He hugged Brian tightly. Brian mussed Gus’ hair and got up, promptly sticking his finger in the eggnog bowl.

“Needs more...I don’t know. Something,” Brian said, pulling his finger out of his mouth.

“Keep your grubby hands out!” Justin smacked Brian’s ass with the wooden spoon, and Brian’s eyebrow arched up suggestively.

“Isn’t there supposed to be some booze in there?” Brian asked. As Justin sighed and turned back to the cookbook, Brian stuck his finger in the bowl again, quickly jumping beyond Justin's reach.

Gus put his hands on his hips. “Dad, you’re not helping.”

Justin laughed at Brian’s look of mock outrage and he finished up the eggnog while Brian tickled Gus mercilessly on the kitchen floor.

****

 

“God, I ate waaaaay too much,” Justin moaned, as he pulled down the elevator door.

“Do you have any idea how long I'm going to have to spend on the treadmill next week? At least you still have the world’s fastest metabolism.”

“That's true,” Justin said, smiling cockily. They lurched upward, and he laid his head back against the wall. He told himself that he wouldn't eat as much tomorrow, but he knew that was a complete and utter lie.

When they stopped, Justin was about to follow Brian into the hallway when he looked around. “This is the wrong floor. How much eggnog did you drink tonight?” He laughed and pulled on Brian’s hand, urging him back into the elevator.

But Brian resisted and tugged Justin forward. “Come on, this is the right place.”

“Uh, no, it’s not. Brian, we live on the top floor, remember?”

But Brian ignored him and keys jingled in his hand as he walked over to the apartment door. He unlocked it and slid the door open.

“Brian, what….” Justin followed him into the empty space, which had the same layout as their loft above it. He looked around, then at Brian, who was doing the thing that he did when he was really excited and nervous about something, but was pretending not to be.

Brian cleared his throat. “I thought you could use more space to work in. With the comic and your painting and everything, you should have a proper studio. And the bedroom can be for Gus. He’s getting bigger, he’ll need his privacy when he comes to stay over.”

Justin said nothing, just looked around with mouth agape.

“So, what do you think? The contractor said they can build a staircase in that corner, so the two floors will be connected.”

Justin looked at him silently and then back around at the loft. It would be amazing. He could have more than one easel and tons of storage for his equipment and there would be so much more space for spreading out his layouts. And Brian was right, Gus needed his own room.

“So….” Brian fidgeted with the keys.

“You bought this.”

“Yeah.”

“I can't believe you did this, Brian.”

“Well, what do you think? I mean, if you don’t want it....”

Justin tried to keep a straight face and shrugged. “I guess it’ll be okay.” They looked at each other for a long moment, and Brian smiled. Justin grinned back before he bounced into Brian's arms and kissed him soundly. “It’s incredible.”

“Merry Christmas.” Brian kissed him back and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him. The heat was off, and they shivered together.

“So, I guess we should Christen the space, huh?” Justin said, thrusting his hips against Brian’s.

“Or, we could go to bed, and come back when the heat’s on.”

“What’s the matter, old man, afraid of a little cold?”

A split second later, Justin found himself on the floor, Brian on top of him, their tongues twisting together. They fumbled with belts and zippers and when Brian’s hot mouth closed around him, Justin could see own gasping breath in the chill of the air.

In their own bed later, Brian slept soundly, his soft snores disappearing into the pillow, his arm heavy across Justin's stomach. Justin made plans, a smile tugging at his lips.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Emmett plopped down in the booth across from Brian and said, “Hey,” with none of his customary enthusiasm.

Brian took a sip of his coffee. “Well, aren’t we just full of the Christmas spirit today.”

“Oh, go sit on a reindeer antler.”

“Hey, I’m the one who’s supposed to be a Scrooge. Stop stealing my thunder.”

Emmett smiled. “Sorry, I’ll try to be more jolly.” He ordered his breakfast and sighed heavily.

Brian rolled his eyes and put his paper down. “Okay, what’s the problem?”

“Well, my whole world is being turned upside down, for a start.”

“Because....”

“Because someone is back in my life.”

“Am I going to have to beat it out of you?” Brian asked, eyebrows raised.

“Okay, okay. So, there’s this guy.”

“There always is.”

“But this is a special guy. Someone…someone I loved. And now he wants to get back together and I just...I just don’t know. It’s been so long, and there are all these issues.”

“Don’t tell me Ted’s sniffing around again? I thought that was a thing of the past.”

“Oh, it is. No, no, Teddy and I are much better as friends than lovers.”

“Please, spare me the details,” Brian said, a pained expression on his face.

Emmett stirred his coffee. “I haven’t seen this guy in years, and all of a sudden, there he was, standing in front of me. All gorgeous and pleading and irresistible.”

“So clearly you still want him.”

“God, you have no idea,” Emmett moaned. “Every time I saw him on TV it was torture.”

“TV?”

“Yeah. So, here’s the thing. He’s a celebrity. A pretty big celebrity. With a wife, and a marriage on the rocks and a big walk-in closet that he’s been hiding in.”

“I didn’t know Colin Farrell was in town.”

Emmett laughed. “Close, but no cigar.” He sobered. “He says he never stopped thinking about me and that he’s ready to come out publicly. Maybe because his career is pretty much over anyway.”

“Bring him to the party tonight. Then I’ll tell you whether or not you should waste your time.”

Emmett snorted. “Whatever would I do without friends like you?”

“If I answered that, you’d just get more depressed.” Brian took a bite of his toast. “So who is it? I'm very hurt that you fucked a celebrity and didn't tell me about it. Do we queers not have an arrangement about these matters?”

“Well, maybe you’ll find out tonight.”

“It’s Leonardo DiCaprio, isn’t it?”

“Are you just going to keep on guessing until I tell you?”

“Yes.”

“Fine, but you have to swear you won’t tell anyone.”

“I swear.”

“Do you swear on Justin’s cute ass?”

“I do,” Brian said, solemnly.

“Words I never thought I’d hear out of your mouth, Brian Kinney.” Emmett winked. “But isn’t life full of surprises.”

Brian scowled. “Just fucking tell me already.”

“All right.” Emmett leaned across the table and whispered in Brian’s ear.

“No way.”

“Way.”

“Emmett Honeycutt, I should remember never to underestimate you.”

****

 

The sound of Christmas carols spilled out into the hallway, and when Brian opened the door to the loft, he was slightly horrified to see decorations littering the floor and every available surface. Justin stood on a chair, stringing lights up one of the poles.

“Jesus Christ, was there some kind of tinsel explosion in here?”

“You know you love it, so shut up.”

“We already did the tree. What’s all this?” Brian gestured to the scores of garlands and lights.

“We’re having a party tonight, in case you forgot. I want it to look nice.”

“Like, Liberace-lives-here nice?”

Justin hopped off the chair and pushed Brian playfully. “You’d better watch it, mister.”

They laughed and kissed for a while, and Justin roped Brian into helping him finish up. When the lights were all turned on and the whole loft glowed with soft colour, Brian grudgingly admitted that it looked good.

****

 

When Emmett and Drew Boyd walked in, Brian stopped to watch the news ripple around the crowded room. Jaws dropped and tongues wagged. Drew looked uncomfortable, and Brian quickly pressed a beer into his hand. They reminisced about the underwear ad, and after a little while, Drew was smiling and joking and looking much more at ease. Emmett was fairly glowing, and Brian couldn't help but smile.

A bit later he was fixing martinis at the bar when Jenny ran up to him breathlessly, brown pigtails flying. “Uncle Brian, Uncle Brian! Uncle Justin said that you know Santa Claus! Is it true? Is it? He said you’d take me to see him at the mall tomorrow.”

Brian glanced over at Justin and Daphne giggling together across the room. “Now, Jenny, you know that you should never believe anything Uncle Justin says about me.”

“So you can’t take me to see Santa?” Her face fell.

“Isn’t your daddy taking you? Or your mommies?”

“But I want _you_ to come. Uncle Justin said you love going to the mall on Saturdays.”

Brian started devising a suitable torture for Justin. “Thing is, I’m really busy—”

“Don’t you want to go with me?” Her big brown eyes were wide, and her voice wavered.

Brian sighed. He’d never been able to resist her. “Of course I do. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning.”

She squealed with joy and puckered her lips, and he bent down so she could kiss his cheek. “Thanks, Uncle Brian.” After she scurried off to play with Gus, Justin and Daphne wandered over.

“So, have any plans for tomorrow?” Daphne asked, all innocence.

“You know, I expect this from him, but I thought you’d be above this, Dr. Chanders.”

“I’ll never be too old or responsible to stop teasing you, Brian,” Daphne said with a grin.

****

 

After Grandma Debbie took the kids home, the booze kept flowing and by three a.m., Michael and Brian were serenading everyone with an off-key rendition of “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” By five, Brian and Justin had collapsed on their bed, clothes still on and heads spinning.

“Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t feel so good.”

“If you puke anywhere near this bed, you’re sleeping downstairs tonight. Actually, you’re sleeping downstairs anyway, for that little stunt you pulled.”

Justin giggled. “Have fun at the mall tomorrow. Well, today, actually, since it’s already morning. Bring me back some lunch, okay?”

“If you think you’re not coming, you’re out of your mind.”

Justin made a noise of protest, and soon they were both sleeping soundly. By noon, Melanie had called, and Brian had literally dragged Justin out of bed. At two p.m., they stood in a line-up of anxious and noisy children – Jenny bouncing excitedly, Gus rolling his eyes at her excitement and playing a game on Brian’s phone.

By seven o’clock, Brian and Justin were back in their bed.

“Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t feel so good.”

They slept straight through until the morning, when Brian got Justin up for a quick shower that turned into a long fuck. It started off innocently enough, with some kissing and soaping of various body parts, but soon Justin was pressed against the shower wall, Brian moving inside him slowly and surely. He reached for Justin’s hand, skin sliding across the band of white gold on Justin’s finger.

In the end, there had been no flowers or ceremony or matching Vera Wangs, just simple rings that said everything that needed saying. Justin had brought them home one day and placed the small boxes on the dresser, putting his ring on without comment.

After a few days, both boxes sat empty.


	7. Chapter 7

“Okay, ladies and gentlemen, next we have Ted Schmidt!”

Ted smiled nervously and went up on stage. Woody’s was all decked out for the holidays, with lights and garlands and lots of Santas in suggestive poses with elves (which made Brian whisper some particularly interesting things in Justin’s ear).

“Welcome Ted to our Khristmas Kamikaze Karaoke Extravaganza!” The drag queen MC adjusted her Santa hat and patted Ted on the back. “As is the tradition with Kamikaze Karaoke, Ted’s friends have chosen which song he is to sing. Music please!”

She scurried off stage and the opening bars of “I’m Too Sexy” filled the air, much to Ted’s horror. Brian laughed his ass off, and Justin shook his head. “Let me guess, that was your selection?”

Brian smirked. “Now why would you say that?”

“Because you never miss an opportunity to embarrass Ted?”

“Moi?”

Up on the stage, Ted gamely sang his way through the ridiculous song, and Justin had to give him credit. After Ted had fallen in love with a hot gym bunny who fell back just as hard, his confidence had soared, and he was fearlessly belting out lines about being too sexy for his hat. His boyfriend Adam clapped and whistled, as did the whole gang.

Justin cheered loudly and elbowed Brian in the ribs as the song ended. Brian sighed dramatically and clapped. For all their posturing, Ted and Brian had been loyal friends to each other, and Justin knew Brian was all talk.

Ted returned from the stage and gave Adam a big kiss. “Nice choice, Brian,” he said.

Brian was a picture of innocence. “Sorry, Theodore, I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

Michael snorted. “Yeah, it’s a real mystery, Brian.”

The next person up was a lipstick lesbian whose friends made her sing “I Touch Myself.” When she started acting out the song, the crowd went crazy, and Brian’s hand moved up Justin’s thigh.

Justin leaned over. “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

“If I have to explain it to you, then I really didn’t teach you enough when you were a lad.”

“You’re supposed to be touching yourself during this song,” Justin said, as he rubbed his dick through his pants, batting Brian’s hand away. “And I’m still a lad, for the record.” Brian had turned forty with less drama than thirty, but he was still prickly about it, and Justin enjoyed rubbing their age difference in.

“Well, if you don’t need me to service you anymore, I’m sure I could find someone who wouldn’t mind—”

Justin laughed and grabbed Brian’s balls playfully. “Keep talking, I dare you.”

“And now we have…Mr. Ben Buckner. Come on down!” The drag queen encouraged the crowd to clap and Ben made his way up to the stage.

“Which song did you pick for him?” Michael asked Emmett and Drew.

“You’ll see!” Emmett chirped.

“It’s a true classic,” Drew said.

As the song began, everyone burst out laughing, and Emmett yelled out, “Go, Britney!” Justin decided that the sight of big, muscled Ben singing “Hit Me Baby, One More Time” was _definitely_ going to go down as one for the ages.

“So, which song are you guys making me sing?” Michael asked. “Because I’d like some advance warning if I’m going to have to top this one.”

Emmett waggled his finger. “No, no, no. It’s a surprise. That’s the whole point.” He smiled at Drew and they kissed.

Brian rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you two ever going to get sick of each other?”

Drew took a sip of beer and said, “Yeah, you should talk, Kinney.”

Brian opened his mouth to argue, but Justin quickly leaned in and kissed him. Sliding his tongue into Brian’s mouth, his fingers tangled in his hair.

“Up next is…Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor!”

Brian jerked away from Justin. “What did that queen just say?”

“Your turn, Brian!” Michael said, as he and the rest of the boys laughed heartily.

Brian’s jaw clenched and he stared daggers at Justin. “Tell me you did NOT sign us up.”

“Brian, what’s the fun of karaoke if you don’t sing?” Justin smiled widely.

“The fun is in humiliating your friends, not yourself.”

“If Mr. Kinney and Mr. Taylor would like to join us sometime before New Year’s, that would be very much appreciated,” the MC said.

Justin stood up and tried to haul Brian to his feet, but Brian stubbornly remained in his chair. “No.”

“What’s the matter, Brian? Afraid that you won’t sing as well as us?” Ted asked.

“Look at him, he’s terrified!” Emmett clapped his hands in joy.

“I’m not afraid of anything,” Brian insisted.

Michael raised his eyebrows. “Well then, what are you waiting for?”

“I never thought I’d see the day Brian Kinney wussed out,” Drew said.

Brian rolled his tongue into his cheek and with a huge sigh, scraped his chair back. Justin took his hand and the crowd clapped and whistled as they approached the stage.

“Okay, boys, let’s get going, or Christmas will be here before we know it.” The drag queen handed them their microphones and left the stage.

The music began playing, and the crowd whooped and hollered. Justin didn’t recognize the tune right away, but when the first lyrics appeared, a memory from childhood of his mother warbling in the car came to him.

Brian was frozen beside him, so Justin opened his mouth and sang, “Baby when I met you there was peace unknown; I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb. I was soft inside; there was something going on.”

Brian was supposed to join in for the next part, but his mouth remained resolutely shut.

Then from their table, came a chorus of voices. “You do something to me that I can't explain; hold me closer and I feel no pain!”

Brian still refused to sing, and Justin carried on, his strong and clear voice a hit with the crowd. “Tender love is blind; it requires a dedication; all this love we feel needs no conversation.” He nudged Brian and smiled encouragingly as the crowd all sang along.

Then the chorus was there, and Brian finally began to sing, too. Well, it was more like half-hearted talking, but Justin wasn’t complaining. “Islands in the stream; that is what we are; no one in between; how can we be wrong; sail away with me; to another world; and we rely on each other, ah ha; from one lover to another, ah ha.”

The crowd cheered and Justin wrapped his arm around Brian’s waist, giving him a squeeze. After a moment, Brian’s arm was around his shoulders and he whispered, “I’m going to get you for this if it takes me the rest of my life.”

They sang on, and after the line “But that won't happen to us and we got no doubt; too deep in love and we got no way out,” Justin could hear Emmett cheering madly from the audience. When they finished, they got a standing ovation, and he knew Brian was trying not to smile.

The next morning, Justin could have sworn he heard him whistling in the shower.


	8. Chapter 8

Brian had just settled into bed when he heard Justin coming up the stairs. Justin flicked off the light over the sink in the kitchen and crept into the bedroom.

“You still awake?” He slipped his shirt over his head.

“Clearly, or you wouldn’t have asked.”

Justin tossed the shirt at him and ducked into the bathroom. When he climbed into bed a few minutes later, he pressed up against Brian’s bare chest.

“Jesus!” Brian squirmed away. “Your hands are freezing!”

“Well, warm them up.” Justin reached down to stroke Brian’s cock.

“They’re still cold,” Brian muttered, but he didn’t stop him. “So, have a good day at work? Hear any exciting news by the water cooler?”

Justin laughed. “Yes, I told myself all the latest on the Britney Spears/Nick Carter divorce.”

“Third time’s the charm. And I _really_ thought he was the one.”

Justin shook his head sadly. “I know. She said their love would last forever.” His hand moved steadily on Brian’s cock.

Brian’s breathing hitched slightly as Justin lightly played with his balls. “So did you work out that storyline? The one with the new villain?”

“No, but the painting I’m doing is looking pretty good.” He leaned over and sucked one of Brian’s nipples into his mouth.

“Don’t you have to have the new storyboards done before Christmas?”

“I will, don’t worry. I have two whole days.”

“Just remember we’ve got—” Brian inhaled sharply and stopped talking as Justin’s mouth closed over the head of his cock. His tongue swirled around expertly, and Brian reached out to run his fingers through Justin’s hair. After a few minutes, Justin licked his way up Brian’s body and straddled his hips.

They kissed, lips soft, but tongues searching. Brian’s fingers danced up Justin’s spine and they rubbed their hard cocks together, both moaning softly. Brian arched up, trying to get more contact.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and they looked at each other, chests rising. “Leave it,” Brian said. Justin nodded and they kissed again, skin sliding and hips thrusting.

There was another knock.

Justin sighed. “It might be important.” Before Brian could argue, Justin got up and slipped a robe on as he headed towards the door. A few moments later Brian heard the door slide open. Then silence. Then some low voices, one of which he couldn’t distinguish.

Justin returned, an unreadable expression on his face. “Molly’s here.”

Merry fucking Christmas.

****

Molly perched on the edge of the couch and darted looks around the room. Brian settled down in an armchair and watched her dispassionately. Justin pulled his sweatshirt back on as he returned from the bedroom, then sat on the other end of the couch.

“So. What’s up?” Justin asked.

“Um…I don’t know. Some stuff with Dad.”

“Uh huh. And you’re here because….”

“Because I made a huge mistake.”

“Oh, which mistake was that?” Brian arched his eyebrow. “Was that when you stopped talking to your mother, or when you called your brother a disgusting pervert and told him you never wanted to see him again?”

She stammered something unintelligible.

“I can’t help but notice that ‘never’ isn’t as long as it used to be,” Brian said.

“Brian.” Justin gave him a look, then turned back to his sister. “Molly, just tell me what’s going on.”

“I was an idiot.”

Brian sneered, unimpressed. “Yes, you were.”

“ _Brian_. Just let her talk, okay?”

Brian said nothing, but waved his hand in acquiescence. He had learned the hard way with Claire and his mother that sometimes family just wasn’t worth the trouble. Jennifer had been devastated when Molly had moved out during her senior year of high school to live with her father and his new bible-thumping wife.

He supposed it was Molly's form of rebellion against her liberal mother. Fucking kids, there was no pleasing them. He wondered briefly whether Gus would start spouting anti-gay propaganda by the time he finished high school.

“Justin, I know I was a complete moron and that I said a lot of awful things. But I’m really sorry, okay?” Molly looked at Justin with pleading eyes.

“No, it’s not okay,” he said.

“But—”

“Molly, you can’t just swan in here after you have a fight with Dad and expect me to just forgive you. It’s been two years since you’ve even talked to me. And you hardly talk to Mom. Do you know how hard that’s been for her?”

Tears slipped down Molly’s cheeks. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“So what?” Justin’s voice rose. “You totally shut her out.”

“I wish I could take it back, believe me.” She ran a hand through her hair and wiped her eyes. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Mom was pissing me off and it seemed like suddenly Dad had all the answers. He treated me like a princess; he gave me everything and he let me get away with murder.”

“So to hell with your mother and your brother,” Brian said.

“Yeah, pretty much.” She sniffled and turned to Justin. “I was wrong. _So_ wrong.”

Justin sighed. “So what brought about this epiphany?”

“I met this guy at school. In my poly-sci tutorial.”

“Gee, let me guess. Dad doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend, and now you want to live with Mom again. Or hit me up for money to get your own apartment.”

“No! Justin, I swear, it’s not like that.”

“Fine, what’s it like?”

“Okay, this guy? He’s gay. And he’s been a really good friend. And it just…he makes me miss you. And he makes me think about how Dad’s an idiot for just cutting you out of his life. And for thinking the things he thinks.”

Justin’s tone was neutral, and Brian knew it was a struggle. “So now you’ve been queer-eyed and you want to be my sister again.”

“I know you don’t have any reason to believe me.”

“No, I don’t.”

She sniffed and hugged herself. “You don’t understand what it was like. You and Mom…you always had your special little world, just the two of you. It was never like that with me.”

Justin snorted. “What are you talking about? Mom and I fought all the time.”

“But it didn’t matter. You guys still have a connection that I could never compete with. I mean, I know Mom loves me, but…you were always special. And Dad made me feel special when I really needed it.”

“So it’s our fault that you suddenly turned into this selfish, homophobic bitch,” Justin said.

She shook her head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. It was my fault, and if you never want to forgive me for all the horrible things I said about you and Brian, then I understand. But I’m sorry, and I hope you’ll change your mind.”

Brian wondered what she’d said about him, but didn’t pursue it. He could imagine well enough.

“So, that’s all I wanted to say. I’m going to go home and talk to Mom. I’ll…I’ll see you around.” She got up and practically ran out the door.

Neither of them tried to stop her.

****

Christmas dinner at Deb’s was a crowded affair, and Brian had retreated to the backyard for a cigarette, even though Gus gave him dirty looks and lectured him constantly on the dangers of smoking.

“You know, you’ll catch hell from your son,” Justin said, as he came outside and shivered in the cold night air.

Brian shrugged. “I like to live dangerously.”

Justin smiled halfheartedly, and Brian reached out to pull him close. He hadn’t been himself since Molly’s visit, and Brian didn’t know what the fuck to do about it. Justin had been so hurt when she’d rejected him, and he didn’t want this to be another mood swing that ended with Justin on the losing end.

He butt out his cigarette and kissed Justin softly. He could feel him relax in his arms, and he wondered if they could leave early without getting grief from everyone. After a few minutes of kissing, Justin murmured, “They’ll be wondering where we are.”

“If they know us at all, they won’t be wondering for very long.”

Justin laughed, and after a few more kisses, pulled him inside. They stamped their feet at the back door and came in just in time to see Jennifer arrive, with Molly in tow. Molly looked nervous as hell, and everyone regarded her with open curiosity and confusion. Brian could feel the tension return to Justin’s body.

After a few moments, Justin moved away and hugged his mother. Then he turned to Molly, and everyone held their breath.

“Hey Mollusk,” he said, holding his arms out. She hugged him tightly, and Brian knew Jennifer was trying desperately not to cry. Debbie was also sniffing suspiciously.

Later in the kitchen, Molly helped him with the drinks. She was painfully eager to please, and Brian considered leaving her on the hook for a while longer before being nice to her again, just to teach her a lesson.

Then he remembered how happy Justin had looked when he held her, and he slung his arm around her shoulders as he showed her how to make the perfect martini.


	9. Chapter 9

Brian gripped the steering wheel and exhaled sharply. “It’s not like you never work late.”

“I’m not saying I don’t. But you’ve worked the past six weekends in a row. You never used to work weekends.”

“Things have been crazy with this new client. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.”

“I know. I just feel like you’re avoiding me or something.” Justin cringed at the needy tone in his voice.

They pulled up in front of Ben and Michael’s house and Brian cut the engine. “Justin, I just have to do some extra work for a while. It isn’t about you.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Justin got out and closed the door behind him, heading into the house without waiting.

Jenny barreled out into the hallway and squealed, “Uncle Justin!”

He hugged her tightly. “Hi Jenny.” As he pulled back and admired her green velvet dress with matching hair ribbons, he told her, “You look absolutely beautiful.” She beamed and twirled around to show off the flounce in her skirt.

“Hey, merry Christmas!” Michael hugged Justin warmly. “Where’s Brian?”

“Just having a cigarette,” Justin lied. He couldn’t very well say that he was brooding, and besides, he was probably smoking anyway.

“I thought he was trying to quit,” Michael sighed.

“Yeah. ‘Trying’ being the operative word.”

They moved into the living room for more greetings, and Justin tried not to worry about the fact that Ben felt thinner in his arms. He knew Ben was still doing well, but he couldn’t help but think of Uncle Vic, and how he had seemed fine right up to the day he died.

Hunter’s girlfriend shook his hand shyly and when Justin hugged Hunter he whispered that she was a babe, which made Hunter blush. Emmett and Drew were showing photos from their recent trip to Italy and Lindz told Mel, for what was probably not the first time, that they should go to Italy themselves. Mel said there was too much going on at the firm the next year, and Justin smirked. She and Brian were definitely far more alike than they’d ever admit.

Ted and Adam arrived with Deb and Carl, and Justin grinned when Debbie called him ‘Sunshine.’ He’d never gotten sick of that nickname for some reason, and when she enveloped him in her arms, he felt a surge of love.

His Mom and Molly were stuck spending Christmas Eve with a bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles whom Justin had never really liked very much. He thought that choosing your family was much more civilized than relying on accidents of birth.

Gus gave him a quick hug and then did the same to Brian, who had finally graced them with his presence. Brian ruffled Gus' hair and Gus rolled his eyes artfully. He had started junior high and suddenly thought he was too cool to act like a little kid. When Brian complained about it, Justin just reminded him that Gus took after his old man.

Brian would invariably sneer and say that he wasn’t old.

****

After dinner, everyone settled in the living room to gossip and fter a while, Justin wandered into the kitchen and filled up the sink. He started washing the dinner plates, his mind far away.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be doing the dishes!” Michael came up behind him and tried to pluck the sponge from his hand.

“I just need something menial to do. It’s soothing for some reason.”

“But you’re a guest.”

“Oh please, I’ve been here, like, a thousand times,” Justin said, putting another plate on the dish rack.

“Well, that’s true. But you know we have a dishwasher.”

“I’ll save you a bit on your water bill.”

“Okay, if you insist.” Michael grabbed a dishtowel and started drying. After a minute he said, “So, what’s up with you two?”

“Hmm?”

“You and Brian. What’s up?”

Justin shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Don’t give me that,” Michael said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve known you both too well and for too long to buy that for a second.”

Justin smiled. “Busted.” He washed another plate and Michael waited patiently for him to continue. Finally he said, “He’s working a lot lately. Like, a _lot_. And I understand that he needs to right now, I guess I’m just feeling…neglected, or something.”

“Right. I can understand that.”

“But Jesus, listen to me! I sound like some pathetic housewife writing into _Cosmo_.”

Michael laughed. “Too bad Ann Landers and Dear Abby are dead, I’m sure they could give you some great advice.”

“Undoubtedly.” Justin scrubbed a knife and a bit of water splashed up into his face. He wiped it away absently. “I guess it’s just building up. We haven’t done anything in ages, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“I mean, I know he has to work hard for this new client, but isn’t that why he has a staff? He’s the president, he should be able to delegate.”

Michael intoned seriously, “But Justin, no one could possibly do it as well as _he_ can.”

Justin laughed softly. “Of course not.”

They continued doing the dishes in companionable silence. Then Michael said, “I know he works too much sometimes, but it’s really important to him.”

“I _know_ , but—”

“Wait, let me finish. But you’re just as important.”

Justin sighed. “I know, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. And I’m not saying I’m perfect, it’s just…I don’t know.”

“Do you remember way back when you guys were supposed to go somewhere, and then Brian had to go somewhere else for business? So you went without him?”

“Yeah, it was Vermont. We were supposed to go to Vermont. We’ve still never gone together.”

Michael dried some silverware while he spoke. “I always remember when he came looking for you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“When he came looking for you that night after he made partner. We were in line for Babylon, and he practically ran up, all excited. He said hi to us but the whole time he was looking for you, totally distracted. Finally he asked where you were, and when we told him you went away, it was like...like a balloon deflating. And I mean, this was _Brian Kinney_.”

He shook his head thoughtfully and went on. “I don’t know why I still remember that. I guess it was just one of those moments when I knew that things really had changed. That Brian really had, even if he didn’t want to admit it. Even if I didn’t want to admit it. You know, he didn’t even tell us about his promotion, he just left. All he wanted was you.”

Justin stared at Michael, words stubbornly refusing to form on his tongue. It was so long ago, but he could remember the anger and frustration like it was yesterday. It was pretty similar to what he had been feeling lately. Pretty damn similar indeed.

Michael shrugged and started putting the cutlery away in the drawer. “Sorry, I’m sure this isn’t really helping now, since that was a million years ago.”

“No, it helps.” Justin smiled and hugged him briefly. “It helps.”

****

Just after midnight, everyone started saying their goodbyes, and as Justin and Brian were walking out the front door, Jenny suddenly squealed with a surprising amount of energy, considering she’d been asleep on the couch just minutes before.

“You have to kiss!” She clapped in delight.

“Huh?” Justin just wanted to go home and go to bed.

She pointed up. “Mistletwo!”

Brian and Justin looked up and sighed in unison, which led to raised eyebrows from Ben and Michael.

“You mean mistletoe, sweetie,” Ben said.

“You have to kiss now!” Jenny ordered.

They pressed their lips together briefly and made their escape, waving behind them as they hurried to the car. They navigated the empty, quiet streets in silence, Justin leaning his head on the cool window.

Brian found a parking spot on the street and they trudged across the road towards home, the only sound the snow crunching beneath their feet. Justin opened the outer door and was about to go in when Brian reached out and grabbed his arm.

“What?” Justin asked. Brian just looked at him intently, and kissed him.

Really, really kissed him.

Justin was crushed against his body, Brian’s tongue deep in his mouth. Their teeth collided and he tasted cigarettes and eggnog. For the next...forever, it seemed like, they kissed each other with a desperation Justin hadn’t felt in ages. When they finally pulled apart, he took a ragged breath.

Brian leaned their foreheads together, his fervour gone as quickly as it had come. It was replaced with a peaceful calm, and Justin wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist and relaxed into him. They stood quietly, their breath mingling together in the frosty air.

Inside, they stripped their clothes off and huddled under the covers, bodies slick and seeking. Their hands and mouths roamed and teased slowly, and when Brian sucked him into his mouth, Justin had to stop himself from coming right then and there.

When they were both hard and panting and restless, Justin raised his legs and Brian slid inside him in one smooth motion. Justin moaned and thought for the nine-millionth time that he’d never, ever get sick of sex with Brian. And that being able to really feel him, skin on skin, was the most amazing thing ever.

Brian leaned down and kissed him, his tongue reaching out for Justin’s. He thrust with long and deliberate strokes, little breaths escaping his parted lips. He angled lower and deeper and pushed harder, smiling down faintly when he hit just the right spot. Justin closed his eyes and pulled him closer with yearning hands.

Sometimes, Brian could make everything perfect without ever saying a word.


	10. Chapter 10

Justin tried to hoist the trunk of the tree higher as they struggled along the sidewalk. Brian was in front, completely obscured by the bushy branches of the pine.

“Justin, would you get your end up and help me out here?”

“I _am_! Your end is lighter, you know.”

Brian grunted and said, “Oh for fuck’s sake. Do you want to switch?”

Justin couldn’t see Brian’s face, but he could imagine his expression. He gritted his teeth. “No, Brian, I don’t want to switch places, I just want you to slow down for a minute so I can get a better grip.” They plodded on and Justin’s boots slipped a bit on the icy sidewalk.

“We’re just about there, so—” Brian came to an abrupt stop, and Justin barely missed getting a pine needle up his nose.

“Brian, I said slow down, not stop.”

Brian didn’t reply, and when he dropped his end of the tree, Justin saw what had made him stop so suddenly. Brian’s mother stood a few feet away, her purse clutched tightly in her hand and a pinched expression on her face.

Brian said nothing, just watched her blankly. Justin looked back and forth between them and wondered if he should break the silence.

“Hello, Brian.” Joan smiled, but it was a grimace that made Justin feel a pang of sadness all the way to his toes.

“Hi, Mom.” Brian gave a mock salute. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

At the mention of “we,” she seemed to see Justin standing there for the first time. Her mouth opened, but quickly snapped shut. Finally she said, “Brian, I wanted to talk—”

“Justin, you remember my mother,” Brian said, staring her down coldly.

Justin smiled faintly. “Yes, of course. Hello, Mrs. Kinney.” He finally dropped the tree trunk and added, “How are you?”

She shifted uncomfortably. “Fine, thank you.”

“Mom, you met Justin for the first time that day you dropped by the loft. It was a long time ago, but I’m sure you remember.” Brian infused the last words with unmistakable innuendo.

Justin was sure that his image was probably permanently burned into her retinas, and that Brian needn’t go to the trouble of making her squirm. But he couldn’t blame him for the impulse.

She gave a curt nod and said, “I really do need to speak to you, Brian.”

“About what? As you can see, we’re a little busy with our Christmas tree. It’s not going to decorate itself.”

She sighed and pushed a lock of wiry grey hair from her forehead. She hadn’t aged gracefully in the years since Justin had seen her last, and the deep wrinkles on her face made her look exhausted. He supposed she probably was.

“Well, Mom?”

“I just wanted to see you. It was silly.” She turned and started to make her way down the sidewalk. A moment later she turned around and looked from Brian to Justin and back again. “You’ve really been together all this time? I had heard, but…I wasn’t sure.”

“Yes, we’re together,” Brian said. He pulled his glove off and held up his left hand, his ring gleaming brightly. “All this time. And for the rest of it, too.” He jammed his glove back on. “I’m sure God violently disapproves.”

She stared at him and eventually nodded sadly. “If only you could understand the true happiness you could find with the Lord.”

Brian laughed, hard and brittle. Then he said, “Goodbye, Mother.”

“Goodbye, Brian.” She turned once more and walked away.

They watched her go, and Justin remained silent. It was very rare for Brian to acknowledge the ring, although he wore it every day without fail. Justin knew that Brian’s mother could still upset him like no one else could, and he knew that there was nothing he could say to make it better. He’d get him to talk about it later, but not now.

“Okay, let’s get this damn tree in the house,” Brian said, picking up his end.

Justin lifted the trunk up once more and they staggered a few more steps to the front door and then into the lobby and the elevator. Justin closed the gate as Brian stabbed the button forcefully.

They lurched upwards. Once the tree was in the loft, they took their coats off in silence. Brian tried to pull his boot free, and hopped around before screaming, “Fuck!” His chest heaved and his hands were fists at his sides.

Justin knelt down in front of him and gently pulled the boot from Brian’s foot. He tapped the other foot and Brian lifted it obediently. Brian’s fingers unclenched and found Justin’s hair. When both his boots were off, he reached down and pulled Justin to his feet.

They kissed softly, and Justin whispered, “Let’s go have a shower.”

Brian nodded and they shed their clothes as they made their way to the bathroom. They stayed under the hot spray of water for a long time, the steam so thick Justin could barely see.

But he could feel Brian’s body beneath his hands, his tense muscles relaxing. Could taste him on his tongue, and hear his desperate breath in his ear.

****

It had been five days since Joan’s visit, and each day Justin had casually mentioned her. He thought it was high time that Brian stopped bottling up all his emotions concerning his family, and he figured if he could just get him talking, maybe it would do him some good. So far, Brian didn’t seem to agree. Each time Justin had brought up Joan, Brian had either ignored him or tersely changed the subject.

Brian sat the counter, eating an apple and reading the latest Elizabeth George hardcover mystery. Justin was finishing up stringing lights around the living room, and as he was untangling a string he said, “So, did your mom put up a lot of Christmas decorations when you were a kid?”

He could practically hear Brian’s jaw clench. “Yeah.”

“Cool. I guess she had a lot of Jesus stuff, huh?”

Brian huffed sharply. “Stop it, Justin. I mean it.”

Justin concentrated on a particularly tough knot in the cord and said, “I wonder if your mom—”

“Jesus fucking Christ! I don’t want to fucking talk about her!” Brian yelled, as he stood up and whipped his book across the room. It ricocheted off the pole beside Justin and struck him squarely on the right side of his face.

Pain exploded in his cheekbone, and he dropped the lights with a clatter as he groaned. “Fuck!” He reached up to touch his face. “Shit, Brian, watch where you’re fucking throwing things!”

There was no response and he glanced over at where Brian still stood by the counter, unmoving. Asshole. He could at least come over and see if he was okay. Justin stomped off to the bathroom, muttering under his breath.

He rinsed his face with cold water and examined his right cheek, which was an angry red and would probably bruise. There was a quiet sound in the doorway and he took a quick look at Brian before looking back in the mirror.

Brian still didn’t say anything, and Justin shook his head and snorted. That apology could come anytime now. He was about to tell him what a dickhead he was when Brian stretched his arm out towards him. The words died on Justin's tongue when he noticed how Brian's hand trembled. He looked at his face and took in the wide eyes and dry lips.

Shit.

Brian was freaked out.

Brian was _really_ freaked out.

Justin could see something he could only identify as terror on Brian’s face, and all his anger left him like a whoosh of air from a balloon. “Brian, I’m okay.”

Brian seemed unable to get any closer to him, so Justin took a step and grabbed his outstretched hand with his own. The contact seemed to jolt Brian back to life and his other hand moved up to gently touch Justin’s face.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean….” Brian's voice was raw.

“I know,” Justin said, tone soothing. “I know, it’s okay.”

“I’m not like…I’m not like that.” His fingers trailed down to Justin’s lips. “I’m sorry.”

Brian had never really talked about it, aside from a few oblique references over the years. But Justin knew, just like he knew that grass was green and the sky was blue, that Brian’s father had hit him. He also knew that becoming his father was pretty much the one thing Brian Kinney still feared.

Justin pulled him close and ran his hand up his back. “I know you’d never hurt me. Not on purpose. It’s okay. Okay? Just don’t throw stuff. Even when I’m being a dick.”

Brian swallowed hard. “I didn’t mean to hit you. I’d never….” He took a deep breath, and his fingers skimmed Justin’s swelling cheek. “Never.”

“I know.” Justin tried to smile, but he winced instead.

Brian shook his head slightly as if he were shaking off cobwebs. “Go lie down.”

Justin rolled his eyes and tried to lighten the mood. “Don’t get all melodramatic on me. I’m fine.”

Brian turned to the sink and grabbed a face cloth. “Just go lie down, okay?”

Justin decided it was easier not to argue, so he went and stretched out on his back. Soon Brian was kneeling beside the bed, pressing the cool cloth to Justin’s throbbing cheek. He stroked Justin’s hair and watched him closely.

Justin wondered if maybe he was letting him off the hook too easily. But then he glimpsed the haunted look in Brian’s eyes, and he knew that accidents happen. And that this would be the only one.

“Brian.” He reached out and touched his arm. “You can tell me, you know.” He willed him to just let go and open up.

Brian blinked and seemed to hold his breath. After a few seconds that felt like forever, he turned his head away, eyes downcast. Justin sighed and folded his arm back over his stomach.

Later in bed, Brian pressed up behind him and held him tightly, hands light, lips soft and pleading. When Justin was almost asleep, Brian exhaled slowly, and his whispers filled the night.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Brian stretched his legs out and sat back on the couch, groaning. “Jesus, Lindsay, I don’t think I’ve had this much food shoved down my throat since Emmett made us try all his new recipes in one sitting.”

Lindsay just smiled benignly and continued passing out coffee as the gang settled down in the living room.

Justin snorted and patted Brian’s knee. “Yeah, Brian, we really had to twist your arm to get you to eat tonight.”

Everyone giggled and Deb said, “If you can’t stuff yourself at this time of year, then when can you? I’d rather die than diet at Christmas.”

“Hear, hear!” Ted said, and Carl patted his protruding stomach as he gave Deb a big kiss on the cheek.

Brian ignored them and took a sip of his coffee. “Hey, I said Irish.”

Lindsay sighed as she settled down on the floor by the fireplace. “Oh, go get it yourself, you big baby.”

Jenny giggled and Michael whispered something in her ear that made her giggle even more. Then she whispered it to Ben, who grinned in that annoying Guy Smiley way.

Brian made a face and heaved himself up. “The service at this establishment has certainly gone downhill over the years.” He yelped as Justin smacked him on the ass, and tried not to smile until he was in the hallway. He was just outside the kitchen when he heard Gus’ raised voice.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s Christmas day and you’re spending it with your family,” Mel replied.

“This sucks! All my friends are allowed out,” Gus whined.

“I highly doubt that. You’re fourteen years old, Gus. In a few more years you can blow off your family for your friends, but not yet,” Mel said, as she started filling the dishwasher.

“I just want to go to Max’s house for a couple of hours. I’m Jewish, just like he is! So why does he get to have all the fun?”

Mel sighed. “Gus, you know very well that we celebrate both holidays in this house. So please just go back into the living room.”

“It’s not fair!”

“Who ever said life was fair?”

Gus’ eyes flashed. “I don’t have to listen to you!”

Mel’s patience was evidently at an end and her hands flew to her hips. “Gus—”

“You’re not my _real_ mother.”

She said nothing, and Brian could see the hurt flicker across her face. He stepped into the room and slammed his cup of coffee on the counter, making both Mel and Gus jump. He stared at Gus. “What did you just say?”

Gus swallowed hard, and stayed silent.

“You apologize to your mother.” Brian’s tone was steely. “ _Now_.” He and Mel may have butted heads over just about everything since the day they’d met, and she could be a colossal pain in the ass, but she’d been a good mother to Gus. He was damned if he was going to let his son take that for granted.

“I’m, I’m sorry,” Gus stammered, face flushed. His looked down, unable to meet their eyes.

Mel took a deep breath and let it out. “I should hope so. Now go to the living room and bring these cookies in.” She handed him a tin and he scurried away.

They looked at each other for a long moment until Brian picked up his coffee and said, “Got any booze?”

She smiled and took a bottle of Bailey’s out of the cupboard, pouring a generous shot in Brian’s mug before adding one to her own. She took a gulp. “Fucking teenagers.”

“Fucking teenagers,” he agreed.

****

Brian had barely loosened his tie when he heard angry voices from the floor below. At the top of the stairs he stopped and listened, then sighed heavily and quickly descended.

Justin was spreading a bunch of _Rage_ layouts on the floor of his workspace while Gus stood off to the side, scowling.

“Gus, I don’t care if you have friends over, just don’t touch my work. It was all in sequence.”

“Well maybe if you didn’t leave your crap all over the floor, I wouldn’t have to.”

Brian cleared his throat to announce his presence and said, “And which ‘crap’ would that be, Gus?”

Gus looked at him and quickly looked away. “Nothing,” he muttered as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He’d grown a lot in the past year, and he was all bones and angles and confusion. Pimples had begun sprouting on his face, and he spent most of his time hiding under a baseball cap.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you.”

Justin stood up and sighed. “Never mind, Brian, it’s no big deal.”

“That’s not the way it seemed a minute ago.” He looked at Gus. “Why did you move Justin’s layouts? You know this is his space. That’s your room over there,” he said, nodding towards the fully enclosed bedroom he’d had built for Gus.

“Max and Eric were coming over, and I just didn’t want them to see.” He huffed in frustration. “I mean does everything always have to be so _gay_?”

Brian tried to keep his tone level. “Look, I know sometimes it must be hard—”

Gus suddenly exploded. “You don’t know anything! You think you’re so cool, but you’re not. You’re not! You’re old, so stop acting like you understand anything about me!” With that, he stomped off to his room and slammed the door.

Brian stood stock still and watched Gus’ door, as heavy silence descended. Finally, Justin came over and wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist from behind. He leaned his chin on Brian’s shoulder and said, “Fucking teenagers.”

****

Brian lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as Justin puttered around in the bathroom. Justin stripped off his t-shirt and underwear and flicked off the light before getting under the covers.

“It’s been four days,” Brian said, still staring up.

“Hmm? Four days since what?” Justin reached over and ran his hand across Brian’s chest.

Brian sneered, “If I have to tell you, then we really have a problem.”

A moment later, Justin was straddling Brian’s hips. “I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he teased.

“It’s been four days since I’ve had my dick in your ass.”

Justin reached down and cradled Brian’s balls gently. His tongue ran up Brian’s neck and he whispered, “Actually, I think it was my dick in _your_ ass four days ago.” His finger found Brian’s hole.

Brian bit back a gasp and grasped Justin’s shoulders, pushing him off and back onto the mattress. “Whatever.”

Justin laughed. “Are you _mad_ at me?” When Brian didn’t respond, Justin flopped down on his back and continued laughing.

Finally Brian couldn’t take one more fucking giggle, and said, “What is so fucking funny?”

“You are!”

“Oh really?” Now Brian was really getting irritated.

Justin sat up, still laughing, and looked down at him. “Gus called you ‘old’ today, and you’re freaking out. So, suddenly it’s a big deal that we haven’t fucked since Tuesday. Despite the fact that there have been, by my count, three blowjobs and two wanks, as the British would say.”

“I am not freaking out,” Brian spit.

“Yes, you are.” Justin tried to wipe the smile from his face and stroked Brian’s arm. He exhaled and got serious. “Look, Gus is just being an asshole. All kids think their parents are old and un-hip.”

Brian shrugged. It bugged him more than it should, he knew that. But it still bugged him.

Justin straddled Brian again. “So, are you just going to lie here and pout, or are you going to fuck my brains out, _old man_?”

They stared at each other for a long moment as the atmosphere suddenly changed. Brian grabbed the back of Justin’s head and pulled him down for a hard kiss, his tongue thrusting. He rolled over and pinned Justin beneath him on the bed. “Think you can keep up with me?”

Justin ground his hips up and nipped at Brian’s neck. “Fuck me. Hard.”

They kissed again, teeth clashing and tongues twisting. Their hands roamed, their cocks soon hard and leaking as they rubbed and tugged. Brian sat up and hauled Justin onto his hands and knees.

“Oh god, fuck me, Brian.”

Brian reached blindly for the lube and was quickly ramming into Justin with a grunt. Justin gasped and went down on his elbows as Brian stretched him open. For a few moments, Brian didn’t move, just ran his hand up Justin’s back, his fingers curling around his shoulder. His cock was deep in Justin’s ass and he savoured the hot, wet tightness.

He slowly pulled out almost all the way and slammed back in, his other hand clenching Justin’s hip. He started thrusting deeply, and Justin reached back and slapped Brian’s thigh, urging him on.

“You like that?” Brian asked, taking a deep breath.

“Fuck, yes,” Justin panted. “Do it harder. Fuck me harder, Brian.”

Justin’s words went right to his dick, and for a second Brian felt that familiar tingle in his balls. He slowed for a minute, getting quickly back in control.

“Please, Brian. More.” Justin reached back again and his nails raked down Brian’s thigh.

Brian growled low in his throat and thrust into him over and over, his fingers sliding on Justin’s slick skin as he gripped his hips at the perfect angle. They rocked back and forth together, both panting and sweating.

Finally, Brian reached around and pumped Justin’s cock twice, and as Justin’s ass clamped down around him, they both came with a moan. Brian shuddered and thrust again, prolonging the pleasure for as long as possible before collapsing on top of Justin.

He took a few breaths and kissed Justin’s shoulder, his tongue lazily tracing the red marks his fingers had left. He started to pull out, but Justin murmured, and instead Brian rolled them gently onto their sides.

After all these years, Justin still liked to fall asleep with it inside him.

****

The ski hill was packed with the post-Christmas crowd, and Brian wondered why the hell he’d volunteered to take Gus skiing. Especially after what the little asshole had said the day before. Of course, the ski trip had been planned weeks ago, when Gus’ teenaged rebellion was still somewhat charming.

The drive had been uneasily quiet, except for Justin’s attempts to start conversations, which had failed each time. Now Justin simply rested a hand on Brian’s thigh as they rode up the ski lift. Gus was behind them, sulkily sharing a lift with another kid.

At the top, they stepped off to the side to double their equipment and for Brian to give Gus a few last-minute instructions. Gus nodded wearily and insisted that he knew what he was doing. He headed to the lip of the hill, where he suddenly stopped and turned, much to the irritation of other skiers, who grumbled as they sidestepped him.

“Hey, Justin?” Gus bit his lip.

“Yeah?”

“Your work isn’t crap. And Dad? You’re cool. And I didn’t mean what I said. You know, about…the gay stuff. I was being a dick.”

Justin smiled and nodded, silently accepting the apology. Brian regarded his son evenly. “See you at the bottom of the hill.” He adjusted his gloves and added, “Sonny Boy.”

Gus smiled and relaxed, knowing that he was forgiven. “You know, you really are cool, Dad.” He grinned just before he headed off down the hill. “For an old guy.” Then he was gone, a spray of snow in his wake.

Justin laughed and squeezed Brian’s waist. “Think you can keep up with me?” He asked, as he moved to the edge of the hill.

“Gosh, I'll do my best, what with my fake hip and all.”

Justin shoved off and zoomed away, his laughter in his wake. Brian took his place at the top of the hill, just as big flakes of snow began to drift down lazily. He tipped his head back and opened his mouth, the wet snow melting on his tongue.

Looking down, he caught sight of Justin’s red coat zigzagging down the slope. He pushed forward, and followed.

 


	12. Chapter 12

The alarm went off again for a few seconds before being silenced. As Brian put the final dab of shaving cream on his chin, he stuck his head out into the bedroom. “Time to get up, Sunshine.” Justin groaned in response, and Brian smiled to himself.

Lightweight.

He went back to the sink and finished shaving, carefully patting on just the right amount of designer aftershave when he was done. By the time he was dressed, Justin was still hidden under the covers.

“Justin.” He waited for a response, but only heard a mumble. “Justin, seriously. It’s Christmas Eve, you’ve got a lot of shit to do. Aren’t you supposed to go help your mom get ready for tonight?”

Justin mumbled again and Brian yanked the duvet down. Justin was curled up on his side, a pained expression on his face. Brian smirked and said, “Too much eggnog at the Kinnetik party last night?”

Justin moaned, “I feel sick.”

“Well, don’t puke on the bed.”

“My stomach...I think I need a bucket.”

“Oh, stop whimpering and be a man,” Brian said, rolling his eyes.

“Fuck you.”

He smiled. “There, that’s more like it!”

“Can you call my mom and tell her I can’t make it?”

He shook his head as he went to find the cordless and hit Jennifer’s number on the speed dial. “Hi, it’s Brian. Your precious little angel is feeling a bit under the weather this morning, and I’m afraid he won’t be gracing you with his presence until tonight.” He listened for a moment and then laughed. “I know, I don’t think he’s ever going to be able to handle his booze.”

As Jennifer bemoaned all the cooking she still had to do, he went back into the bedroom and pulled the duvet up over Justin. “Well, I’m sure Debbie and Emmett will help. Yeah, okay. See you tonight.” Brian sighed. “Yes, I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.”

He hung up and looked down at Justin. “You’re off the hook. Now get some sleep and I’ll see you after work.”

Justin blinked up at him. “Do you really have to work? It’s Christmas Eve.”

“I just have some stuff to finish up. I’m closing the agency for a whole week, I need to make sure the clients are taken care of first. You know that.”

Justin nodded slightly and curled into an even tighter ball, shivering. Brian went to the kitchen and got a big glass of water and a large bowl. He placed the water on the nightstand along with some Advil. “Drink this and take these, you’ll feel better. And throw up in this,” he said, putting the bowl on the floor. He leaned down and kissed Justin’s head. “See you soon.”

As he closed the door behind him, Brian chuckled to himself. Justin really needed to learn how to handle his hangovers better.

****

The loft was still and dark when Brian returned. He’d been surprised to look up from the paperwork in his office and realize that it was just past five o’clock. The staff had gone home already to be with their families, and Brian firmly told himself that the Liberty Ale figures could wait until the new year.

“Justin?”

There was no answer, and Brian assumed that he’d already gone to his mother’s. Jennifer was hosting this year, with Mel and Lindz taking the reins for Christmas Day. Deb had said she was happy to get a break, but Brian knew she’d do just as much work as usual.

He hung his coat up and carefully removed his new Gucci shoes, lining them up neatly on the mat. As he walked to the darkened Christmas tree, he heard a noise from the bedroom.

“Justin?” Brian hopped up the stairs and laughed incredulously. “Don’t tell me you’ve been in bed all fucking day because of a hangover.”

“Brian…” Justin’s voice was hoarse and pained.

Brian’s heart skipped a beat. “What’s wrong?” He quickly moved to the side of the bed and turned the light on. Justin was flushed and sweaty, the bedclothes tangled around his legs.

“My stomach. It’s worse, Brian. It really hurts; I don’t think it was the eggnog.” He took a shuddering breath.

Brian put his hand on Justin’s forehead, his pulse starting to race when he felt the heat there. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“I thought it would get better. I threw up a few times, but it hurts. Like, really hurts. I thought it was the hangover, but now it's just here.” He pointed to the side of his stomach.

Brian went to the dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and track pants. “Come on, we’re going to the hospital.” He helped Justin sit up and he dressed him quickly.

“I’m sorry,” Justin said, as he groaned in pain once more.

“Don’t be stupid, it’s not your fault.” Brian hurried to the front closet, cursing himself for not paying more attention that morning. He jammed his feet into his shoes as he found Justin’s sneakers and coat. He bundled Justin up and helped him to his feet.

Justin doubled over in pain, and Brian half-carried, half-dragged him out to the elevator. He slammed down the grate and held Justin tightly to him as they descended. In the car, his hand trembled as he put the key in the ignition.

****

Brian paced back and forth beside Justin’s bed, which was shoved in the corner of the busy ER.

“You’re making me dizzy,” Justin moaned.

Brian stopped and sat down. “Sorry.” He reached out and caressed Justin’s cheek.

“What do you think it is?” Justin looked at him with wide eyes.

“I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably just some virus that’s going around. Sure you haven’t been on a cruise ship lately?”

Justin tried to smile, and said, “I’m sure.”

Somewhere, someone started wailing. Brian cringed and looked around for the damn doctor, who was certainly taking his sweet-ass time with Justin’s test results. He had refused to even guess at what was wrong with Justin, insisting that they needed to do some quick tests first.

Brian knew enough from watching TV to figure out that it was probably appendicitis. He knew it, the doctor knew it, and Justin knew it. Justin groaned again and Brian considered going down to the lab himself and beating the results out of the technicians.

Brian saw Jennifer, Molly and Deb out of the corner of his eye, and they rushed over, faces pinched and hands fluttering. They gathered around Justin, bringing an air of nervous tension with them that made Brian want to make them wait outside. Justin told them he’d be fine, and didn’t moan or grimace once while they hovered over him.

He clenched Brian’s hand tightly, his fingernails making half-moon marks that Brian would still be able to see the next day.

****

The hall on the surgery floor was quiet except for a flickering light above the nurses’ station. Brian examined the linoleum and tried not to breathe the antiseptic smell in too deeply.

Memories stubbornly flashed through his mind anyway.

He reminded himself again that it was different this time. That it was just routine surgery. That Justin wasn’t going to die. That this time, he couldn’t taste blood on his lips.

“Brian?”

For a second when he looked up, he expected to see her in her gauzy prom dress, tears sliding down her cheeks, her lips still glossy with something that smelled like strawberries. Instead, Daphne wore a white lab coat with a stethoscope slung around her neck, sensible shoes on her feet. She reached out her hand and he took it as she sat down beside him.

For a minute they sat in silence, and she squeezed his palm steadily. She looked tired, and he wondered how many hours she’d been working, and if she’d seen anyone die tonight. He absurdly felt like hugging her.

“As soon as I found out I went to check on the surgery. Everything’s going fine,” she said. When she smiled, it was weary. “He’s going to be fine. It’s routine.”

“Everyone keeps saying that. Routine.” Brian tried not to think about how routines could change when you least expected it.

“He’ll be out soon. I promise.”

He didn’t want to think about promises, either. “Do you have to work tomorrow, too?”

“Yep. Unfortunately, the hospital doesn’t close. Damn sick people. They really should be more considerate.”

Brian smiled. “And they say the Christmas spirit is dead.”

Jennifer and Debbie returned with coffee and Daphne hugged them both. She told them she’d go check on Justin again, and then had to get back to her patients. Jennifer suddenly choked up and told Daphne how proud she was of her, and Daphne left blushing, looking seventeen again.

Brian had to look away, the memories taking over.

His cell phone buzzed in his pocket and he flipped it open. “Hey, Lindz.”

“Dad?”

“Gus?” Brian walked a bit down the hall. “What are you doing up? It’s late.”

“Dad, I’m fifteen. I hate to break it to you, but I stay up past midnight on a regular basis.”

Brian huffed out a laugh. “Do your mothers know that?”

“What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

The gang had gone home a couple of hours before, after crowding the waiting room and driving Brian insane with their concerned glances. He had finally told them all to go home and get some sleep and reminded them that it was just fucking routine.

“So what’s up, Gus?”

“Did you hear anything yet? He’s going to be okay, right?”

“He’s still in surgery. But he’s going to be fine. Getting your appendix out is no big deal.”

“It feels like a big deal.”

Brian had to agree. “I know.”

“I just…Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“Justin knows I love him, right?”

Brian’s throat was suddenly thick and he swallowed hard. “Of course he does. And he loves you, too.”

“Because I know I can be an asshole and sometimes I treat him like…I’m just not nice to him sometimes.”

Brian frowned. Justin hadn’t mentioned anything. “Look, Gus—”

“Are you okay?”

“Of course. I’m fine. It’s no big deal, Gus. Now go to sleep, or Santa won’t bring you any presents,” he intoned, with mock seriousness.

Gus laughed softly. “Sure, Dad. ‘Night.” The dial tone hummed in Brian’s ear before he had a chance to answer.

“Brian?” Jennifer stood nearby. “Is everything okay?”

He snapped the phone shut. “Fine. Any news?”

“Daphne’s checking, but she says he should be out soon. I’m sure he’ll be in recovery before long.” She sounded like she was still trying to convince herself.

“He will be,” Brian said, firmly.

She smiled again, tears springing to her eyes. “I know he’ll be fine, I don’t know why I’m so worried. I guess it’s just…well, you know.”

He nodded. “I know.”

She looked at him and exhaled a long breath. She smiled again. “Brian, I—”

He shook his head and cut her off. “Now, now. No more getting over-sentimental, Mother Taylor.”

She laughed and hugged him close, and he let her.

****

Justin looked drained, the faded hospital sheets accentuating the pallor of his skin. The doctor said it had all gone as planned, that the surgery had been a complete success. He predicted a full recovery before rushing off to answer a page.

Brian still felt a weight on his chest, and standing beside Justin’s bed, he wished he could climb in so he'd be able to breathe again.

Instead he sat and held Justin’s limp hand, reminding himself again that it was not fifteen years ago, because he’d never come inside Justin’s room then. Had never touched him. Had been too afraid.

Fifteen years. He rolled the number around in his head and tried to imagine all that time without Justin. His stomach clenched and he focused on watching Justin’s chest rise and fall steadily.

After a while, Justin shifted and slowly opened his eyes. He blinked up at Brian dozily. “Hey.” His throat was dry and the word was little more than a sigh. Brian got him some water and held his head up while he drank.

“Well, you certainly know how to make for a memorable holiday.”

“I always was a drama princess,” Justin whispered.

“Queen. You graduated a long time ago,” Brian said, stroking Justin’s hair.

“Mmm. That’s true.” Justin’s eyes slid shut.

“Justin.”

“Hmm?” He opened his eyes again.

“I love you.”

Justin smiled softly. “Tell me something I don’t already know.” He reached up and touched Brian’s cheek before his hand dropped back down and his eyes closed again. Soon he snored lightly.

Three days later, Justin was home. By New Year’s Eve, Brian complained that he was milking his condition for all it was worth, and that if Justin wanted an indentured servant, he should look elsewhere.

At the stroke of midnight, the ball dropped in Times Square and in the Pitts, fireworks were lit from the Seventh Street Bridge as revelers cheered. The bass thumped in Babylon, where the men were sweaty and naked and the confetti rained down.

The humidifier droned softly in the corner of the loft. Brian murmured in his sleep, and Justin pressed a kiss to his chin before drifting off again.

 


End file.
